Marshanmallows.

Reasons why you should make marshmallows:

1. People will think you're cool.
2. They are plush and pillowy and WORLDS better than storebought.
3. They are relatively easy.
4. People will think you're cool.

Here's a basic marshmallow recipe with several variations. I'll be honest: this recipe requires you to have six hands and do approximately fifteen thousand things at once, but if you're a good multitasker (or have friends in the kitchen with you), you shouldn't have any problems.

Basic Marshmallows

2 cups sugar
2 tablespoons corn syrup
1 cup water, divided
4 envelopes unflavored gelatin
2 egg whites
1 pinch salt
1 tablespoon vanilla extract (clear imitation for really snow-white marshmallows)
Confectioner's sugar


Lightly grease an 8x8 square pan, then coat with confectioner's sugar. Set aside.

Combine sugar, corn syrup, and 1/2 cup water in a large saucepan. Stir over high heat until sugar is dissolved; allow to cook to 250-255 degrees without stirring.

Meanwhile, combine the gelatin and 1/2 cup water in a small saucepan; allow to sit for 10 minutes, then melt gelatin over low heat until liquefied. Keep in a warm place until ready to use.

Mean-the-heck-while (see? fifteen thousand things at once. or three, or whatever), use a stand mixer to beat egg whites and salt until they're firm but creamy.

When sugar mixture has reached 250-255 degrees, remove from heat. Quickly stir in gelatin mixture (gelatin will bubble up - be sure to use a large saucepan!).

With stand mixer on high speed, stream gelatin mixture slowly into egg whites. Whip on high speed until mixture starts to pull away from sides of the bowl, about 5-8 minutes. Beat in vanilla, then spread quickly in prepared pan and allow to stand for at least 1 hour. Cut into desired shapes and roll in confectioner's sugar.

FOR PEPPERMINT MARSHMALLOWS: Decrease vanilla to 1/2 tablespoon, and add 1/4 tsp. peppermint extract and a dab of green gel color, if desired.

FOR ROSE MARSHMALLOWS: Add a scant 1/4 tsp. rose water and a dab of pink gel color, if desired.

FOR CHOCOLATE FUDGE MARSHMALLOWS: Bring 4 tbsp. water to a boil, then stir in 4 tbsp. unsweetened cocoa. After whipping vanilla into marshmallows, fold cocoa mixture loosely into marshmallows without fully combining. Spread in prepared pan (fudge marshmallows may take a bit longer to set). Roll fudge marshmallows in confectioner's sugar with a bit of cocoa powder added, if desired.

Woofie cookies.

We had steak for supper last night. It was tough, it was cooked on a panini press (sigh), and it was premarinated (ie., too salty and processed-tasting). We all just kind of sat and looked at it, and there was quite a bit left over.

That is the ONLY reason I ended up making dog cookies with steak in them. And if you want your mother's skittish little white dog to follow you around obsessively for the next twenty-four hours, you should make them, too. (Note: you'll need a food processor. If you don't have one, you can sub 4 oz. of baby food meat for the steak. Just check the ingredients to be sure there's no onion or garlic.)

3-4 ounces cooked steak, cut in smallish pieces

1/4 cup natural peanut butter

1 egg, divided

1 1/2 cups barley flour

1/3 cup beef broth (approximately)

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

Pulse the steak in the food processor a few times, then process until it starts to come away from the sides of the bowl in a paste (about 3-5 minutes). Add the peanut butter and egg white; process until smooth.

Add the flour all at once; pulse, then process until it looks like coarse crumbs. Add the broth, one tablespoon at a time, until it forms a smooth, fairly soft dough. Roll out between wax or parchment paper sheets; cut into desired shapes and sizes.

At this point, you can make paint to prettify them if you like - combine the egg yolk with a bit of gel food coloring and about 1 tsp. of water, then paint onto cookies. Plain cookies can be baked directly on an ungreased baking sheet; painted cookies should be painted and baked on parchment.

Bake for about 2 hours, or until completely dry and crunchy. As long as they dried out completely in the oven, they should keep in an airtight container for about a month.

No.

I am a nice girl. I don't yarf and tell. I won't post a link to where I got this recipe. The woman's blog was very lovely and well-thought-out and full of delicious-sounding recipes.

This one, though? SUCK.


Citrus Pate de Fruits. Simple.

2/3 cup fruit juice, such as fresh tangerine or pomegranate (I used a mixture of orange, grapefruit, and tangerine)
6 tablespoons smooth apple sauce
1 3/4 cups granulated sugar, divided
1 3-ounce envelope liquid pectin
2 teaspoons lemon juice

1. Combine juice, apple sauce, and 1 1/2 cups sugar. Boil, stirring constantly, until mixture hits 238 degrees. Okay. I know numbers.
2. Stir in pectin; cook and stir for one minute. Gotcha.
3. Stir in lemon juice and immediately pour into lightly-greased molds or loaf pan. Sprinkle surface with remaining sugar. Allow to sit for 1 1/2 hours, then unmold (and slice, if necessary). I'm with you.
4. Roll in granulated sugar. Whee! (Oh, wh - roll the candy? Oh. Well.)
5. Enjoy?


Nope. All I tasted was apple. I even grated a tiny bit of tangerine zest in there, hoping to make it not taste like hot sugar applesauce sorta tangy liquid. No dice.

But the texture was what got me. I saw several recipes for pate de fruits - some using apples as the pectin, some using liquid pectin, some using gelatin. Most of them said the liquid pectin method produced the best texture - soft, only slightly gummy, intensely fruity.

Again, no dice - I could've played jacks with these things.

Boo. Hiss. Yarf. Sigh. Maybe it was the roll-around-in-sugar part that turned it to ick.

Peanut Butter Blossoms

Peanut Butter Blossoms, originally uploaded by queenofthemoodswingset2.

Peanut Butter Blossoms: 4 doz

2 cups shortening
1 1/3 cups brown sugar
2 cups sugar
3 cups PButter: crunchy old fashioned: 24 oz
4 eggs
1/2 cup milk
4 tsp vanilla
6 cups flour
4 tsp soda
2 tsp salt

Cream shortening and sugars. Add eggs, milk and vanilla, beat. Add peanut butter, beat. Combine all dry ingredients and add in small batches.

Roll in sugar and either mush with fork before cooking or top with chocolate kisses after baking.

Bake at 350* for 8-10 minutes or until edges start to turn golden brown

Candied citrus peels

Pounds and pounds and pounds AND POUNDS of candied citrus peel! It's delicious! It's gorgeous! It's a big fat pain in the butt! But somehow, it's FUN!

Fruit:

4-6 pieces of citrus fruit with unblemished skins. Go for medium/large pieces of fruit if you can get them. Scrub the skins thoroughly with a little soap. Slice off the top and bottom, enough to expose the fruit inside. Then cut the peels from the fruit, trying to avoid as much pith as possible. Cut the peel into strips. You want about 2-3 cups of strips. Use more fruit, if you have to.

Blanch (you need: a big pot and lots of water):

Bring a pot of water to boiling. Drop in the strips; boil for 10 minutes, then drain. Refill the pot and repeat the process at least three more times. After the third time, taste one strip. If it's bitter, you need to blanch again. Keep blanching and draining until there's no (or very little) bitterness. (Time saver: keep a kettle of boiling water on a back burner. When you drain the peels, put them back in the pot, pour boiling water over, and voila - you don't have to waste time reheating another pot of water.)

Candy (you need: 3 cups EACH water and sugar):

When your peel is no longer bitter, drain it well. Combine and stir water and sugar over high heat until sugar is dissolved, then add strips. Bring to a full boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 30-60 minutes, or until peels are translucent and candied-looking. Drain candy very well, then spread on waxed paper to dry overnight.

Sugar (the next day):

Place about 1 cup sugar in a plastic ziploc bag. Drop in half of your candy. Close the bag, leaving lots of air in the bag, and shake the CRAP out of it because your candies will want to stick together. Then remove from the bag and allow to dry on racks for at least one day and up to two days.

Note: I made orange, lemon, grapefruit and tangerine peels (gotta love Florida - cheap citrus). Interestingly, the toughest, most bitter peels were the orange peels. They required SEVEN blanchings to get rid of the bitterness. The grapefruit and tangerine, however, only required three. Go figure.